ABSOLUTES _________                 A One-Act Play by Craig Abernethy Copyright © 2004 Cast of Characters One:       A woman or man wearing a conservative suit. Two:       A younger woman or man dressed “like” but not as       “well” as One. SETTING:   A bare stage, doorway Right, and an overstuffed chair        Right of Center. AT RISE:   Stage is bare and dimly lit. One is seen at the        doorway. Lights brighten as One moves from the        doorway to the chair and sits. One closes eyes,        exhales, tilts head back, and slowly inhales.        Two is seen at the doorway. Two watches One for a        moment and then quietly enters. ONE (On hearing Two Enter) It’s not as easy as it looks. TWO No. No, it’s not. It can’t be, that is. It can’t be as easy as you make it look. ONE (Eyes remain closed) The talking. (Breathes) The explaining. The indignation. TWO That you do so well. ONE Thank you. The talking. The explaining. The indignation. ONE and TWO (Together) That I/you do so well. ONE Talking. Explaining. On and on, over and over: the same questions; the same answers. Always “different,” though. Always “new!” “New.” And “current.” Always “new,” “current,” and the same. Talk. Explain. Listen just enough. Get the gist. Answer. Explain. Re-state with indignation bordering on righteousness. TWO That you do so well. ONE Thanks. TWO Still… ONE (Nearly motionless) Not getting any younger. Takes it out of you. Especially the indignation: the bordering on righteousness. That’s the hardest part: the bordering on righteousness. Talk. Explain… What!? TWO No big deal. ONE Do it all the time. TWO Quite skilled at it. ONE You’re no slouch yourself. TWO Why, thank you. ONE It’s nothing. TWO Yet… ONE What!? “Still.” “Yet.” What!? TWO Huh!? ONE No naiveté! I know you, Two. Candor! “Still.” “Yet.” What’s next: “perhaps?” What? TWO You did very well. Do very well. Talk. Explain. You give terrific indignation. ONE “Yet?” TWO Nothing. Really. Just a sort of an… academic… sort of… curiosity. ONE Oh, God! TWO It’s nothing really. ONE “Academic curiosity?” Oh, well, go on. Go ahead. TWO Yes? ONE Yes. TWO I was just wondering… ONE Were you? TWO I was. ONE Uh huh? TWO Must we always be so… sure? ONE Hmmm? TWO "New," "current," of course, and given our well scripted spontaneity, and carefully projected solicitude, we are yet so certain. So… sure? ONE Is something wrong? TWO Excuse me? ONE “Wrong.” At home? Is everything all right? TWO Of course! Everything is just fine. ONE Everything? “Fine?” No money worries? Getting enough bumpty- bumpty? TWO Fine. Everything’s fine. ONE Good, good. It’s an odd question. Your question. TWO “Odd?” ONE For someone like yourself. TWO Is it? ONE Yes, for someone here: someone at this level? Someone here? TWO Not “academic?” Socratic, sort of. Keep us on our toes. Keeps me… keeps me sharp. “Must we be sure?” Of course we must! Of course. But why? That, it seems to me, is important to review from time to time. Take a look at. Academically… speaking. ONE “Why?” (Thinks) “Why?” Because we are. We have a right to be and we are. We are. We are sure because we are right… correct, and certain. We are right and therefore entitled to be correct. We are sure. It’s required. Part of the act. TWO and (followed rapidly by) ONE Yeah.          Yeah. Right.         Right. Sure.          Sure. ONE (Takes a breath) One, two, three: “still!” TWO Yes? ONE Yes. TWO Just for the sake of honing our wits here: wouldn't’t a little doubt, “reflection’s” probably a better word, strengthen our position? A little musing? Sort of humanize the whole thing? Where do we get our righteousness from anyway? Not that it’s really an issue, but… what makes us so damn good? For the sake of honing our wits. ONE It’s not a matter of  “good.” We have to be right because we know they are wrong. We publicly allow as a given that they are doing the best they can, and that “the best they can do,” obviously, is not good enough. And it goes without saying that we will have to look into why their best isn’t better. But they are wrong and that makes us right! (Takes a breath) “Yet!?” TWO For purposes of discussion, only. Is there not even the slightest possibility that they may be righter than we give them credit for being? Is there not the slightest chance? ONE No. Should I be concerned about you? TWO No! ONE No? “Still?” “Yet?” “Righter than we give them credit for being?” This is the stuff of counter-revolutionary-dialectically- revisionist-brain-farting!! Stop now! We have a job to do – a role to play – and we are not going to get bogged down with some sort of introspective examination or review or re-assessment! Not gonna happen! It’s their fault! That’s it! They are to blame. Done. Over. Finito compadre. Over!! TWO Right. ONE Wrong! They are wrong. Right? TWO Right. ONE (Stands) You’re not convinced! Are you? Are you going all sorts of   “truth,” “justice,” and the “American way” on me? Stop now. Do not proceed. Do not try passing “Go.” Do not pursue any further. “Academically speaking.” Too much to lose. And may contribute to a destabilization of the apple cart: creates uncertainty, worries consumers, stifles investment, and won’t get you laid. TWO Won’t get you laid? ONE No. (Waits) You can’t let go, can you? TWO I guess not. (End of sample) Complete scripts can  be obtained by e-mailing Craig here