DO / DON’T DO _____________ by Craig Abernethy Copyright 2009 Cast of Characters Young Man: A fit man in his mid 20’s to early 30’s with a couple of days’ fashionable stubble: wears a business suit (no tie) and carries a briefcase. Young Woman: A college student: wears jeans, and layered tops, and carries a messenger bag. Older Woman: An elderly, economically challenged, and skittish woman: wears a dress, coat and walking shoes, and carries a purse. Voice: The offstage voice of “Traffic Control Guy.” SETTING: A traffic intersection with street corners Center Right and Center Left. AT RISE: The traffic noise of a busy intersection is heard and, after a moment, Older Woman followed by Young Man Enter from Left and Young Woman Enters from Right. Traffic noise volume drops some and is heard throughout. (When Older Woman, Young Man, and Young Woman are about half-way to Center) VOICE Don’t “Walk.” (Startled the pedestrians stop and look to one another for confirmation of what they think they each heard, take a breath, and somewhat resigned, wait. After a moment the Young Man starts to step off the “curb” and…) VOICE (Cont) Don’t play with me. (Young Man stops and Young Woman takes a step backward) OLD WOMAN What is this? VOICE (Cheerfully) Dialogue, at last! OLD WOMAN Hey! VOICE Frankly, I get lonely. YOUNG MAN What the fuh…? VOICE No swearing! Please. YOUNG MAN Who…? VOICE Traffic Control Guy says: “this is a ‘No Potty-Talk Crossing.’” (Young Woman takes out her cell phone and begins dialing) VOICE (Cont) And no phoning! (Young Woman is startled and deliberately drops phone into her bag) VOICE (Cont) It’s rude. (To Old Woman) Been shopping, ma’am? OLD WOMAN Me? (Young Man looks around and begins to step into the street) VOICE Stop! I’m here to keep you safe. YOUNG MAN (Evenly) I want to cross the street. VOICE I can relate. I’m stuck here… you’re out there: sunshine, fresh air,… if I were… YOUNG MAN I have appointments! YOUNG WOMAN I’m late for class! OLD WOMAN I have a coupon for my Sea Bond! VOICE Me, me, me! “Gotta go here!” “Gotta go there…” OLD WOMAN It’s on special! VOICE Oh, okay: “Walk!” “Don’t Walk!” Just messing with you. YOUNG MAN What is this? (He starts to cross the street and the Old Woman grabs and stops him) OLD WOMAN Don’t! YOUNG MAN What? OLD WOMAN (Husky whisper) It’s Cheney! VOICE No. No. No! I’m Jack(!)… your friendly, neighborhood, remote Traffic Control Guy: “Jack.” YOUNG WOMAN “Jack?” VOICE (Happily) Yes! YOUNG WOMAN Jack… I have a mid-term. VOICE Lucky you! What’s your name? YOUNG WOMAN Uh,… Claudia. YOUNG MAN Hey! I gotta get a move on! VOICE Wouldn’t we all like that? YOUNG MAN Change the light! VOICE Oh-ho! YOUNG MAN Do it! VOICE Let’s play a game! YOUNG MAN What the…? VOICE Don’t!! YOUNG WOMAN “Jack?” VOICE (Happily) Welcome to the corner of Flash Drive and Scary Place! I’m your host, Traffic Control Guy Jack, and it’s time to play: “Traffic Control Guy Says!” (Game show music is heard over the traffic sounds and the pedestrians are stunned, confused, and at least a little frightened) (End of Sample) Complete scripts can be obtained by e-mailing Craig here |
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