THE SORT OF HAPPY ENDING TO THE SAD TALE OF MR. ALI ALI, OR: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF OUTSOURCING TORTURE ___________________________________________ A One-Act Play by Craig Abernethy Copyright © 2005 Cast of Characters NOTE: A “company” of five to eight performs the play. Two must be women and the parts of the Ringmaster, Ali, George, and Maryam should be played by the same actors throughout. The remaining roles are divided among the company with frequent doubling. Ringmaster: A tallish man with a booming voice: wears a top hat and red fox hunting-style riding coat. Ali: A slight man of Pakistani origin: first seen in a business suit. George: Middle aged and sized: business suit. Maryam: A young Iraqi woman: wears a conservative dress and head “covering” (that does not conceal her face). SETTING: Various locations needed to tell Ali’s story: a street corner, the inside of a jet plane, a government office, a television studio. The stage is bare and the few props used should be practical. Whenever possible appropriate noises and music are helpful. (Though all songs should be sung a capella with little or no accompaniment). AT RISE: A bare stage in Blackout; then a spotlight; calliope music and the Ringmaster Enters. SCENE ONE – Welcome RINGMASTER Laydeez and Gennamuns! Mesdames et Messieurs! Mein Herrs und Mein Herrings! Oh-yea! Oh-yea! Gather ‘round and lend an ear! It’s time to cowboy-up(!) with your favorite fun loving pranksters: Le Cirque des Pauvres Re`veurs(!)… (The acting company runs On Stage forming a semi-circle Up Stage of the Ringmaster) RINGMASTER (cont) as we present: “The Sort of Happy Ending to the Sad Tale of Mr. Ali Ali, Or: The Lighter Side of Outsourcing Torture!” (The following can be delivered by the Ringmaster or divided among the acting company) For the record: we are repulsed by the murders and maiming committed by terrorists. Terrorism cannot be justified or condoned. We honor the efforts of those who risk their lives daily that we may live freely, and as secure as possible in a world gone mad with envy, hate, and murder. However, a few bad apples can spoil the barrel. And now: on with the show! END ONE SCENE TWO – Ali on the Street ALI (Center Stage and miming walking) Okay: so I’m walking down the street one day, over two years ago, when two men in suits walk up and… MYSTERIOUS MAN ONE (Wears suit and sunglasses) Mr Ali? ALI Yes? MYSTERIOUS MAN TWO Mr “Ali Ali?” ALI Yes. MYSTERIOUS MAN ONE Of Pakistan? ALI I was born there, but…what…? MYSTERIOUS MAN ONE (Holds up photograph of Ali) This “Mr Ali Ali?” ALI So I say “yes” because the picture is of me… and they pick me up… (The two men lift Ali by his armpits and begin to escort him Off Stage repeating “Hut-hut- hut-hut” sotto voce while Ali speaks) ALI (cont) … and take me to a car waiting a few feet away. And they put something over my face as they pushed me in the car and I fell asleep. END TWO SCENE THREE – George Campaigning (Some cast members sing the following) “On the campaign trail: you won’t find a single frown! ‘Cause on the campaign trail, all the guests were patted down! We are just so proud that we will get to see The Lone Star himself: George W. Emdee!” GEORGE (Enters, wears suit, one hand waving, and the other behind his back) We will out do the evildoers! In that we will win? We will not lose. We will win! Do you know where I stand? I stand for the law. They don’t obey the law. We will obey the law. We will. They use car bombs. That’s what makes them evildoers. We don’t use car bombs. They do suicide bombs. We don’t. We value life. They torture. We don’t torture. Torture is not acceptable. Never. And we don’t hand people over to other people to torture people either! (Turns to Exit and hand behind back has fingers crossed) END THREE SCENE FOUR – Maryam at Home MARYAM I was frantic! He did not come home and so I began to call his family and friends and at work – but they had all gone home, and… eventually… after a few days of calling everyone… the police, the government, his soccer club… Nothing. No one… I stayed home and cried until my body just stopped and I sat on the chair and looked at a wall. A few days later I got a call from somebody in Human Resources from where Ali worked and they said that somebody who worked with Ali saw him get put in a car by two men in suits wearing sun glasses but I could not talk with that person because they wanted to stay anonymous and Human Resources had to honor their wishes. END FOUR SCENE FIVE – A Meeting RINGMASTER And now for a meeting of “The Clean-Cut, Upstanding, Sort of Dull, But Amazingly Smug and Evil Guys in Charge!” SMUG GUY ONE Maybe we could get better intelligence faster if we turned up the heat some. SMUG GUY TWO You’re thinking maybe…? SMUG GUY ONE Intentional stress inducement upgrade? SMUG GUY TWO Aggressive persuasion modality? SMUG GUY THREE “Torture.” SMUG GUY ONE I wouldn’t put it in those terms. SMUG GUY TWO Not in those terms. SMUG GUY THREE “Line drive” and “two-putt” are “terms.” Torture is a “word” and it doesn’t work. SMUG GUY ONE We won’t know if we don’t try! SMUG GUY THREE It’s been tried – it never works. And, by the way: it’s against the law. SMUG GUY TWO That’s sort of our department isn’t it? SMUG GUY ONE Yeah. I thought we sort of made the laws. SMUG GUY THREE Not precisely, no. We write a lot of laws but we don’t enact anything. SMUG GUY TWO We do have interpretive powers. SMUG GUY THREE Torture’s like porn. SMUG GUY TWO You like it when you see it? SMUG GUY THREE “Know” it. You “know” it when you see it. SMUG GUY ONE Besides… we don’t have to actually do the actual torturing do we? SMUG GUY TWO Actually we could… the Egyptians, they… SMUG GUY ONE I mean we could never do that! SMUG GUY TWO Not us! “Illegal.” But the Egyptians… SMUG GUY ONE Really know their stuff. SMUG GUY TWO The Saudis? Morocco? We got us a few friendlies there. SMUG GUY ONE Egypt is where it’s at: “outsourcing.” SMUG GUY THREE People? SMUG GUY TWO We have a mandate! SMUG GUY ONE “Dead or alive!” SMUG GUY TWO The Saudis! Jordan. Egypt. Our partners in peace! SMUG GUY ONE (To Smug Guy Two) Write it up: we’re at war! War with an enemy that is unlike any other – they don’t represent a state – have no sovereignty – no right to maintain a therefore illegal military force – do not observe the rules of war – consequently protections of law do not apply and we can pretty much do what we want because nobody really like these foul-smelling medieval rag-heads anyway. SMUG GUY TWO (Reads) “At war… no state… pretty much do what we want.” SMUG GUY ONE (Begins rapping) Because we live in such dangerous times… (Smug Guys Two and Three join in the rapping) We gots to use a new “paradigm.” And so’s we can sound all contemporary, We dig real deep in the dictionary, And come up with a brand new model With none of that civil liberties twaddle! Car bombers don’t sport no uniforms, And their bosses don’t fit the statehood norms, As they did not sign the Geneva Convention Then habeas corpus gets a needed suspension. And if you don’t think we’re bein’ very nice You just might want to hear this advice: We are the boys from Harvard and Yale; You piss us off, we’ll put yo’ ass in jail! Remember: because we lives in dangerous times, We gots to get a new paradigm. Enemy combatants is doin’ bad crimes, So we gots to get a new paradigm. Simply put: we are dealing with slime, So we gots to get a new paradigm! A new paradigm, a new paradigm! Yo! Because we live in such dangerous times: We gots to get a new paradigm! (After rap Smug Guys One and Two start to walk Off Stage then stop and turn to Smug Guy Three) SMUG GUY ONE You with us? SMUG GUY THREE You know the free speech, artsy-fartsy, civil liberties crowd will go coo-coo for cocoa puffs when they find out. SMUG GUY TWO How are they going to find out? SMUG GUY THREE Somebody will talk. SMUG GUY ONE Somebody always talks. SMUG GUY THREE (Takes a breath) Yeah, I’m in. SMUG GUY ONE Well, that’s it then! END FIVE (Transition to...) SCENE TEN – Ali in Prison (Ali is Down Center while Up Stage company members act out what he describes) At first you are depressed: the smell… like a sewer, it’s so dark, it… cold, so cold. I was very afraid. And lonely. And angry; but mostly afraid. I was alone a day or so… not much longer. Then the beatings began. Always three of them. It was Egypt, I think. I knew some Egyptians at McGill and the men at the prison had accents like those guys. At McGill. There were beatings. Sometimes with questions – sometimes not. They used electricity – like a stick with electrodes. I would stand on a box and my hands were tied so they were straight out and they had a hood on me – like in the photos in the paper(?) – and they would walk around and stick me. All over. Everyplace. I don’t know if they put me on drugs. How would I know? Mostly it was beatings. There was water too. Sometimes they would… END OF TEN (End of sample) Complete scripts can be obtained by e-mailing Craig here |
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